I lost my light. For the past few months, I've wandered around in the broad daylight, but immersed in complete darkness. I didn't write about anything and my thoughts got buried inside of my head, lacking the outlet I so desperately sought. If I'd have actually let my words get out, in all honesty, they'd have been a farce. I wasn't living how I needed to be.
It's amazing when something big is taking your mind off of the focus that it needs to be on, how easy it is for darkness to settle in. I lost my light. I watched it flicker. I saw it fade. And before I knew it, I'd lost my words as well. Without anyone knowing it, I was sinking into a hole that I had been digging deeper and deeper. Like any relationship, if you let the communication die out, the intimacy vanishes, no matter what all you think you're doing right. I'd be going to church, but I wasn't talking to God. I wasn't reading my Bible with any regularity and I stopped praying before routine occurrences. As a leader in my own household, it was as if I wasn't paying the electrical bill and soon enough, the lights got shut off (metaphorically speaking).
There's this tendency that I don't feel alone in sharing, but it's one that I know I struggle with. I think I can do everything on my own and as my relationship with God was lacking, soon after my relationship with everyone else was as well. Amazingly, unlike most relationships, the one with God doesn't contain any conditions. He loves me and accepts me for me, always welcoming me back, ready to start blessing my life again, once I accept that I've been living in darkness and need His help in turning the lights back on. #UntilWeMeetAgainProject Day 27.
Nicole, shot with my Nikon D800 and Sigma 50mm Art f/1.4. Images merged in Affinity Photo after being edited and converted to Black and White in Adobe Lightroom.