For years, I have struggled with acceptance of something very important. In all those years, rather than accepting one incredibly important facet of Faith, I have kept running, because I've felt unworthy. In every failure, for so long, I just kept on burying myself in darkness. With each moment of weakness, I could never even give myself grace. In darkness, it was easier, because I didn't have to look at myself and in that same darkness that I hid in, no one else could look at me either.
Because I couldn't give myself grace, I couldn't give it back to anyone else either and this caused issues that followed me for a long time. I struggled with jealousy within relationships, because I couldn't give myself grace. I pushed people away because if I'd failed them once, I didn't want to keep doing the same thing. I felt like I wasn't good enough for anyone and if I wasn't good enough for anyone, I mistakenly also told myself I wasn't good enough for God.
How wrong could I have been...
The truth, is that every single one of us are unworthy, but it matters not to Him. He exists to bring us out of that pit of darkness and back into a life that is bathed in light. As I have learned to receive that grace, it has also helped me in being able to give it back to others around me. Recently, I've experienced situations that have caused me to think hard about how I exemplify that same grace back to others. Instead of running from it, or batting away someones attempt at receiving grace from me, I've found myself doing my best to show love and acceptance. We don't exist to live in complete darkness, which is a lie that has been told to us over and over again. As a Christian, I exist to help others see the light that is shining inside of me, lit on fire by the Grace of God. This is coming from someone who has sinned and failed for years and years and will continue to do so. I shouldn't be worthy, but I've started to believe a truth that has been in front of my eyes for my entire life. I might not be worthy, but in His eyes, I am. #UntilWeMeetAgainProject Day 57.