(For those in need)
You are enough. You always were. I know you feel beaten down and that you've been robbed of who you were, but the race isn't finished. It isn't won on the second lap and the game isn't decided in the 7th inning. "Trophies don't go to the ones who got a good beginning..."
I know you're tired. I know your mind races and that nightmares keep you from sound sleep. I know what it's like to want to never wake up. I know what it's like to have nightmares not just haunt your sleep, but also your waking hours. I know the voices that you hear, the ones that tell you you'll never heal, that you'll never offer anything, that you've become what you hated. I know you hear that other voice too. The one that lets you know that there is nothing that you could do that would ever be unworthy.
There IS a value attached to your life and it IS priceless. Your worth is not found in the things that you have, your beauty, or your successes. You are valuable, because you were fearfully and wonderfully made, in the image of a perfect creator, designed to be much more than you may ever realize. I know you don't see it right now. I know that time will always be the truest indicator of so many things, but let it also show you that your presence on this earth was and is of an utmost importance.
When I was 16 and 17, I tried to take my life into my own hands. The car was the easiest way. I turned it on, shut the garage door and lay down in the drivers seat. Time kept ticking by. I never lost consciousness. I don't know why. At the time, it didn't satisfy me. Within a year, I ingested enough pills that I was sure I would finally rid this planet of my existence. I've got an iron stomach apparently. To this day, I struggle with it, because I know how much this world can put on us. The weight of it is so heavy. The thorns that cut into YOUR head from the crown you wore feel as if they're mine at times.
But YOU wore that crown so that we wouldn't have to. When you feel like you're losing at this game of life, remember this one thing. He gave us victory. Sweet, sweet, victory. There is no weight that He can not bear. No struggle that He hasn't already asked to take from you.
You are enough. You always were. You always will be. #UntilWeMeetAgainProject Day 25.
As the final day of September comes to a close, it also closes National Suicide Prevention Month. I wrote this not just to talk about my own struggles with suicide, but also to write specifically to you. I love you. More importantly, Jesus loves you. If you need help, ask. If you feel like you can't ask, call. This website can give you a person to talk to, no matter where you are. The song below has given me an incredible amount of hope and spirit during tough times in my life. I hope it provides the same for you.
Lexie was shot with my Nikon D700 primarily and a few photos with the Nikon D800. Sigma Art 50mm f/1.4 and Sigma 85mm f/1.4. Special thanks and shout out to her friend Marnee for being so gracious and letting us use her farm and all the wonderful animals for these photos. It was a pleasure to work with you both. Also, so as to not confuse, this post was not written for Lexie. She seems to be doing just fine with her life.